I’ve spent most of my life awkward and in my head.

I always wanted to make a good impression, so I learned a ton from my mistakes and did everything possible to improve my relationships.

Here are some curious things I learned:

1. Have a calming influence.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of self-directed concern when in social situations.

‘How am I coming across?’

‘Do I look stupid?’

Etc.

Choose to enjoy your interaction and allow your calm aura to relax those around you.

2. Quit habits that bring you shame.

Much of our sense of confidence is developed in moments when we needn’t perform.

We create an identity when we do things that make us feel bad about ourselves.

A poor self-image will flood into all areas of life.

Live well and with pride, and you will exude an attractive energy.

3. Listen beyond the words.

Most people are not present in conversations.

They’re too busy thinking about the next witty thing to say.

This is why you set yourself apart by listening.

I mean actually listening.

Why? Because a vast amount of communication is non-verbal.

You’ll surprise people by how well you read them when you truly listen.

4. Reveal less about you.

What happens when you’re hell-bent on telling everyone about every dirty aspect of your life?

People know exactly who you are.

There’s no mystery here. For attraction to flourish, we can’t know everything about you. Be mysterious.

5. Open up physically.

You may be nervous, but if you’re closed to another person physically and psychologically, this will unlikely be felt as warmth by others.

Drop your shoulders, loosen up physically and take up more space.

This not only signals a welcoming aura, but it will relax you, and your mind will still.

6. Soften your face.

I’ve been known to tighten up when speaking with people, and my expression can be too intense.

You needn’t smile like a crazed ape who’s eaten too many bananas, but you will appear more attractive by softening your expression with a light smile.

7. Make others look important.

A counterintuitive concept in human behaviour is that those who appear important often make others look important.

Insecure people highlight faults in others.

Attractive leaders forget themselves and make others look and feel great.

8. Slow your movements.

I can be a twitchy little creature when I’m nervous, especially after a coffee. Speaking and moving in quick, jerky movements is normal for many.

Being slow demonstrates emotional control and status while calming you down, so you think more clearly.

It is a habit that becomes engrained over time.

9. Ask a question few others ask.

Most people jabber on about themselves and their problems.

They are immersed in a world of ‘me.’

By showing curiosity for others, especially in an area unique to the person in front of you, you will stand out.

10. Ignore complaining, drama and disrespect.

Many of us fall into negative and critical speaking habits.

We moan, complain and gossip. This is low-quality behaviour.

You demonstrate your class and status by being unattached to it. Steer the conversation away from such bleakness and bring it back to colour and optimism.

This is attractive and this will get you far.