POINT #1. Expecting the Worst
Many parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing they can only watch helplessly as their lovable children transform into unpredictable monsters.
But that sets you and your teen up for several unhappy, unsatisfying years together. You see, “the message we give teenagers is that they’re only ‘good’ if they’re not doing ‘bad’ things, such as doing drugs, hanging around with the wrong crowd, or having sex.
It could become a self-fulfilling prophecy – negative expectations can actually promote the behavior you fear most. A study showed that teens whose parents expected them to get involved in risky behaviors reported higher levels of these behaviors one year later.
You see the smart thing to do is to focus on your child’s interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something new.
Point #2. Reading Too Many Parenting Books
Rather than trusting their instincts, many parents turn to outside experts for advice on how to raise teens. Parents can tie themselves into knots trying to follow the advice they read in books. It’s not that parenting books are bad. But some books become a problem when parents use them to replace their own innate skills.
If the recommendations and their personal style don’t fit, parents wind up more anxious and less confident with their own children. Use books to get perspective on confusing behavior and then put the book down and trust that you’ve learned what you need to learn. Get clear about what matters most to you and your family.
