M: Make meaningful conversations
Meaningful conversations following the coming clean and asking of forgiveness is the next step in the process of healing the broken trust. When emotions have calmed and anger has begun to subside, the other party may be willing to sit down and hear why you did what you did.
Again, it is never appropriate to place blame back on the victim. Instead use what was revealed to you in your soul searching process as a starting point for making meaningful conversations.
If the other person cares for you and your relationship then they will want to help you process through whatever fears or emotional difficulties you are experiencing that caused you to violate their trust.
Talk openly about those fears and what caused you to do what you did to them.
It helps the other person realize that the issue was not with them. For example, you didn’t cheat on your spouse because you didn’t find them appealing anymore. It was because you have fear of abandonment issues.
Talk about that fear and open up to the person your hurt. They deserve to understand why it happened. This will also help to lift the burden of responsibility from them.
For example, if you took money from a family account that is used to care for your elderly parents and used it for personal reasons your siblings would want to know why. Your explanation may be that you don’t feel as successful as your siblings and you didn’t want to ask them for help.
Doing so, you feared that they would perceive you as a failure. Your siblings, who had their money stolen from the account may feel responsible in that they didn’t keep close enough tabs on the account and your activities.
Knowing that it happened, not because they trusted you too much, but because you had had other fears, problems, and emotional issues going on helps absolve their unfounded guilt. They trusted all family members who had access to the account and trust is a valuable asset.
There is nothing wrong with keeping tabs on the account, but there is also nothing wrong with simply trusting all parties involves, especially if there has never been an issue in the past.
Understand the root cause.
Finding out the real cause underneath of why the trust was violated helps those who have been victimized feel less burdened by any feelings of responsibility for the cause of the trust violation.
The goal is understanding the root cause and the underlying emotional issues, so that healing can happen in the relationships.
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