“If I had a million dollars in my bank account, all my problems would be solved and I could finally be happy.”
That’s how most of us think about the things we want to achieve. Whether our goal is to become rich, have an attractive partner, or lose weight. We idealize these end results so much that we assume reaching them would solve all our problems and make us incredibly happy.
But that is completely wrong. Often, this only solves old problems and creates new ones. If we are lucky, we have a little better problems.
Or as Mark Manson wrote in his book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck”:
Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.
Having A Pretty Girlfriend Made Me Feel Miserable
I had to experience this myself when I was with my first girlfriend.
Before, I longed for success with girls. To be with a pretty girl like her seemed like a dream to me. If I could have done that, my life would be perfect. At least that’s what young and naive me thought.
When I got together with my first girlfriend, problems began that I had not expected before…
1. A pretty girls has options. Always.
I wasn’t the only one who thought she was pretty, of course. It seemed like several other men were constantly trying to win her over.
On Instagram, her DMs were always full of hungry men and she was also approached on the street again and again. Actually, this shouldn’t have been a big problem since she was loyal and never acted on it since she was with me.
However, the big problem was that I was not self-confident enough to deal with this.
Seeing how many choices she had made me damn insecure and didn’t necessarily make my life more pleasant.
Having a pretty, desirable girlfriend requires a solid level of self-confidence which I lacked. Therefore, the relationship made my life rather worse.
2. If You Lack Confidence, Her Beauty Will Make You Insecure
She is so pretty. She could have all those men. Why is she with me?
Such thoughts regularly made my life harder.
Just like the number of worshippers, her beauty made me insecure. I had self-doubt and the feeling of not being good enough. In my eyes, she was much more attractive than me.
3. Other Guys Become Envious
I noticed enormously how the behavior of other men towards me changed when I got my first girlfriend.
While I got from some felt more recognition and respect, others seemed to be envious. It seemed like they suddenly hated me for no reason.
They talked bad about me or tried to incite my friends against them. I guess this is how some people behave when someone else has something they want.
Final Thoughts
Let’s not give the wrong impression. A relationship can be a huge enrichment for everyone. I just wanted to show that it’s not always as great as you might imagine beforehand.
Today I have a new girlfriend who definitely makes my life better. Since I am more self-confident than when I was with my first girlfriend, I can handle the mentioned downsides very well.
