I couldn’t believe the mind-blowing experience when I visited a girlfriend and she showed me her VHS tapes. Each one had naughty, dirty provocative titles like the kind I only found in adult video stores. Loved it. We put one on and a woman in short skirt and panties appeared with another.

Talia and I kissed, fondled and I undressed her while the scene kept rolling of the two women fondling, undressing and kissing. It was just like I had watched in the sex arcades but this was better because I was now having a shared experience with someone I enjoyed. It was mind-blowing. After a few hours of kissing and fucking, we browsed more titles and then I left.

She called me up, saying she had put on another tape. She told me the title and said a previous lover had given her a collection. I asked what was happening and she was masturbating while explaining the scene to me of a man and woman near a pool. He was sliding his hands inside her bikini while she was reaching for his cock.

Listening to her play-by-play was more than I could bear. I stopped whatever it was I doing and began stroking.

This out-of-control arousal continued and each time Talia and I got together we popped in another porn tape on like one of two women spanking each other. Cool. Until it wasn’t. Keeping one eye on the screen while enjoying her kisses, breasts and ass split my attention.

When Talia was going down on my cock, glancing at her and then screen was an amazing experience but I also found that it dissipated my energy. Thinking I had to watch porn every time we got together short-changed the experience.

So should you, or not? Here are tips for watching porn with a partner.

Make sure the mindset is right

There’s a time to watch something new and hot, but there’s also a time to sit quietly and tune in to each other. For men, be sensitive to what your woman needs. Get her to open up and talk, listen and float the idea that you’d like to watch something new with her. See if she’s up for it. If so, great. If not, don’t sweat it.

Express your interest or describe a scene for her while whispering in her ear and stroking her hair. Talking about it in an arousing way could do more for her than simply watching since that can make her tune in intellectually.

Enjoy variety

Watching bondage scenes, group sex or same sex scenes can be hot when it’s new. But that’s not the variety I’m talking about. Guess what? Watching porn together can get old, too, believe it or not. Don’t expect to watch it every time you have sex. Vary the experience. Maybe once a month or so.

Make a fun game of texting each other about fun titles or descriptions. Only send links from known porn sites and make sure it doesn’t interfere with work or family.

Watching porn is one experience. Giving each other a massage and not having sex after is another type of experience. Tying up your partner is yet another kind of experience. Look for the fun in your time together, but also the deep times.

Enjoy “retro” porn and not just today’s quickie clips with low production values. The ’70s kicked off adult movies and there are fun titles to view. Again, think variety.

Use porn to get into each other

Your greatest sexual satisfaction will come from each other. Porn and toys like restraints and floggers add to the excitement but they’re not the focus. Make your lover, your spouse, your girlfriend the focus. Pay attention to how you kiss and touch. Listen to her breathing and what she likes.

You can then have fun watching porn scenes of couples kissing and imitate what you see. How intense do they get or relaxed? Watch a few minutes and then turn it off to practice on each other.

See how the models are dressed or not dressed. Talk about how you like each other dressed.

Read erotica

Watching a great porn scene could get you off quickly, but reading erotica together could cause a long, slow burn that results in hot orgasms. Reading gets the mental gears turning and some women really like that in your varied offering. In fact, many may enjoy it more than tuning into porn. Only you know and make it part of the discovery.

Draw cards

Here’s a fun way to decide if you should watch porn or not. Create a stack of note cards with sexual activities written on each one.

For example, one might have full-body massage or foot massage, while another might have watch 10 minutes of scorching porn. Or combine them. Watch 10 minutes of scorching porn while giving a foot massage. Not knowing what you’ll pull from the pile adds tension and excitement and takes away a “same old” feeling.

Your sexual life with your partner is what you create together. Tune in to your partner first and porn after. That way, you can keep communication open and find new ways to blend your desires.