Anytime there is an exchange of vows, an abstract expressions of thought especially from the bride is, “whether they (whoever may have been in contention for the man, skeptics, enemies and peers), like it or not, I now have him; I have got him for good”……she seems to say.
On the part of the groom, observe him while he soliloquizes, “Hmmm today! I go chop you like I dey chop Tampico”, with over anxiousness boldly written in his eyes.
These are some of the funny thoughts that preoccupies their minds which are seriously extraneous to the real thinking that must rather capture their cognitive drive at that moment.
As a result of scarcity of QUALITY HUSBAND MATERIALS out there, against the influx of single ladies desperately roaming the ghettos, churches, funerals, prayer camps and wedding gatherings in an attempt to make a possible catch, either new or stray husbands to devour, there is a clever tendency on the part of some ladies to contribute toward the legitimization of relationships.
This is otherwise known as “COST SHARING” in our contemporary dowry settlement.
In ancient times, cost sharing is never thought of. It is simply a taboo. Jacob of Bible time had to toil for fourteen (14) years to marry one woman, against our modern day practice of would be brides sharing the cost of dowries with her groom in order not to lose him to someone else who is ready to even go beyond “cost sharing” level to cost acquisition.
Beyond cost sharing, there is another angle of thought which drew my attention to the issue of male female jollification.
The difference between a man and a woman is their reproductive organs. The male reproductive organs are spearheaded by the penis. The male organ or the penis is a commonly placed commodity at all corners.
It is ubiquitous- it is everywhere, and certainly so because, even lunatics and the insane roaming the streets are sometimes impregnated by men of sound mind to prove the commonality of the penis in life’s disposition.
The male organ, the penis hanging between the legs of men is common, and an attempt to engage the male organ of choice for pleasure is not so arduous a task.
Are you learning something from the above?
Significantly, beyond the commonality of heterosexual organs today, man (male female dichotomy) was expected to settle down as a family which diligently comes along with dignidied image.
Dignified life can never be associated or compared with promiscuous life. They aren’t bedfellows.
Therefore, taming a man of choice and heart, by bringing him before the altar to put a ring on him becomes a target which when achieved, half of the battle is won.
There is a propensity to cajole men as fast as it deserved, by pulling them before the altar to solidify relationships with rings as evidence of owing them psychologically.
Serious questions that arise is, can he be tamed by the ring on him or his heart? A way to a man’s heart (which is another subject) comes along with lot of luggages that mustn’t be underrated in no uncertain terms.
The modern trends of gender disparity and inequality attest to the fact that cost sharing in contemporary relationships (though culturally wrong) isn’t a bad idea, subject to the financial strength of the groom, but if care is not taking, some innocent men (with women’s insatiable quest for sanctimonious relationship), will be lured into unwanted and unadored marriages to their displeasure.
There are two dimensions to the heart of men, namely;
- What satisfies them (the likes).
- What dissatisfies them (the dislikes).
Preferentially, every man has a specific nugget that enthuses him or turns him on, which are idiosyncratic (peculiar) of them.
In a normal cliche or tantrums, we call it, “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”.
Prior to solidifying relationships, what prevails between fiances and probable spouses must be cautiously viewed from both spiritual and psychological angles to fully comprehend the deeper thought behind whatever decisions they are taking to avoid being entangled by those acts.
In an attempt to get to the heart of men, either to make him happy, or to woo him for marriage, some women go all out to the extend of warming their beds, serving desserts at odd hours, virtually being on him 24 hours a day.
In like manner, some men also has several subtle ways which they explore to achieve those aims which subsequently backfires because it was a fire fighting approach.
Clandestinely doing impulse shopping for her, overstretching one’s income to satisfy her (all in an attempt to win her heart), either to oblige for a long-term relationship, or just to have a snapshot of her.
Prior to solemnization as believers, there is a caution on moral, ethical, biblical, cultural and religious grounds that until solidified, the followings must be avoided, namely….
- No sex
- No matron services
- Laundering services
- Constant single visitations.
With the fear of losing him to a competitor, all these precursor instructions (with good reasons behind them) are ignored by most fiances.
In so doing, whatever was previously hidden from him has now been discovered and not only tasted, but also, overexploited and overused. The last alternative is to participate in the facilitation of dowries to solidify the relationship otherwise, you end up being a Cinderella.
Showing solidarity or appreciation with a loved one is a good example. It shouldn’t be shunned, but there are limitations to what a woman can do to get to the heart of man, and similarly what a man can do to placate his lover.
There are no legal basis or reason to use sexual intercourse as a ploy to cajole him to the altar, or the incessant flashing of goodies on his in-laws as a panacea for a good husband.
After the ring, what next?
Being able to get to the heart of man must be something more convincing and permanent in picture and character. Using sex as a tool to hoodwink a man for a ring is a death trap, not a marriage. Now, her using sex to marshal your heart for marriage is empirical that she can’t be a trustworthy wife.
For how long can he pretend to be a Romeo when he is not, because his casting of a Romeo (pretentious caring lover) is a subtle means to have assess to the golden jewel between your thighs.
After acting Romeo and Juliet, getting assess to each other’s heart in subterfuge (in deceit), what else is left to be uncovered, none.
Even beyond biblical and cultural restrictions, there are ways that fiances or probable spouses can satisfy each other’s needs, wants and heart desires without breaching any moral etiquettes.
If he insists, that your refusal to offer him sex is a signal of your noncommittal to the relationship, as a Godfearing woman, be joyful that his true identity is being revealed to you ab initio.
Satisfying the heart desires of a man or woman, leading to exchange of vows must certainly resonate with Godly demand, not the natural desires of men (sex, food, washing, being by your side always) when you not legitimately solidified.
For how long can she provide the services of a matron when she is not legal married to you?
In conclusion, there are no legal basis for any woman to offer sex, sumptuous meals, cleaning of clothes when she is legally not married to a man, and equally, there is o law against a man for not providing for a probable spouse when they are not yet married.
Watch out for Part 2 with adwoaadubianews.com
(Uncle Sam).
