The Ring Or The Man (Pt 2)

Needs and want are essentially insatiable expectations of every human being alive and active. Notwithstanding the fact that every person has his/her peculiarity of needs and wants, the persons ability to provide those needs and wants by his own self or not is one factor that must be considered.

Needs as explained by the pundits means, requirement for something, lack of means of subsistence.

Needs are something that you must have in order to live. On the contrary, wants are something that one wish to have, so as to add comfort to his life.

NEEDS represents the necessities whereas WANTS indicate desires, and ultimately, need takes the priority of way because it is important for human beings to survive.

On the heart of men and women, needs and wants are relative at their different stages of life.

As young adult male and female, energetic, handsome looking and catchy, what are some of the likely dire needs that comes to mind?

1. Career Stability.
2. Marital Goal Setting.
3. Family Size.
4. Place of Abode.
5. Retirement Plan.

Careful observation of the dream ladder above, coming from either male or female, if adequate financial backbone or muscle from within or without doesn’t cushion you to achieve those aims and target singlehandedly, it becomes an uphill task because these are real necessities of life.

Before marriage, the NEEDS as enumerated above is empirical. Now the WANTS;

1. Career Choice – Which job or skill to rely on.
2. To Marry- Marrying who, when and how?
3. Family Size- Which number?
4. Place of Abode-First class residential estate, mortgage, or rental?
5. Retirement Plan- Mutual fund, Tier 3 or trustee investment.

All the above social contract of needs and wants substantially involved a lot of investment of ideas and financial resources, to which when implemented judiciously, brings success.

To achieve those dreams singlehandedly is a herculean task that normally sends some individuals going bankrupt.

External aid is a welcome gesture if it emanated from a good Samaritan with genuine conditionality, irrespective of the gender of the person.

If the recipient is sound minded and spiritually matured to understand the largesse being offered, and not misconstrue them to mean a lugubrious attempt by a desperate woman to lure him at all cost, something good may eventually come out of it.

Fundamentally, exploring to know the need and want of somebody, the necessity to own those things, the urgency it deserved, then the biblical or moral legitimacy to how those needs and wants can be offered to his satisfaction leaves much to be desired.

If extra care is not taking, you hesitatingly rush to cost sharring of dowries.

Interestingly, this is symptomatic of subtle guys who are fortunate to come across hardworking ladies who are desperately ready for marriage. Incongruously, some ladies end up buying themselves out from their parents without careful interrogation of the demeanor of their guys.

If really a need is to be provided or granted, what really are the need? Can those needs supposedly resonate on what he does frequently, and are those needs preemptive of a long term vision?

Getting unto the heart of man without a ring being a prerequisite for healthy relationship is the ability to identify the utmost priority of desires on his heart.

As I stated earlier, there are limitations to all things, and each relatively determines what and how one can do to ameliorate the seeming impediments on the part of a colleague loved one.

Whatever it is, the exchange of vows and rings substantially depended on the groom, he shoulders it, but contemporary practices of cost sharing arose as a result of securing and maintaining a catch (to avoid being snatched) amidst stiffer contention.

Once upon a time, it really did happen that a guy sandwiched between two charming ladies, with the dilemma of choice suddenly found honey dropped on his tongue from one of them.

Desperately or whatever (or should I say), the most serious one among the two opted to support the guy. The rest is history, successfully grabbing the lover boy to herself but lo and behold, as idiosyncratic of the topic, she got a ring on the man but his heart is somewhere else.

Heart desires can be Godly or myopic. In cognisance of biblical language, heart desires can be met when it is well packaged in tandem with the will and purposes of God (Jm  4:2-3/1 Jn 3:22/5:15).

A couple in my church got married with the groom coming from an ethnic background other than that of the lady, with pomp and pageantry, the flamboyance and fanfare it deserved, then guess what; exactly a year on and the marriage honeymoon had died down and as usual, lovers became enemies, and off it goes.

There are thousands of similarities of unsuccessful relationships that couldn’t travel beyond 12 calendar month and the underlying factors emanated from peer pressure and desperation.

Thorough diagnosis of the first biblical quote points to the fact that what one purposed to achieve is far beyond just becoming a wife or husband.

The main purposes of Holy matrimonial journey although Godly, is centered on the following five scenarios;

1. Procreation
2. Companionship.
3. Pleasure.
4. Stewardship. and
5. Vulnerability.

Significantly amongst the five is, procreation, pleasure and stewardship which most spouses revered so much, leaving the rest which are also relevant in God’s sight.

For instance, without being glued to a man of her own, a woman may erroneously find herself making babies out of wedlock, or staying childless in order to maintain disciplined life and religious commitment.

Without a man of her own, she might wantonly become promiscuous in her sexual life or outright reclusive.

With no man to lay claim to, responsibility as collective (parental) duty becomes one sided in what we call, SINGLE PARENTHOOD.

In an an attempt to harness a unified family size, one is forced under social and moral imperative to own a husband at all cost to neutralize the corrosive signals on her facial demeanor.

James (half brother of Jesus Christ) laid more emphasis on this aspect where most people who are probable spouses have their heart desires not being met because they ask amiss, or with wrong motive.

Another case study is a lady well known to me who was married 30 years ago and blessed with 4 grown up children to boast of. Now that the kids are all adults and exhibiting their independent lives, the husband is miserably relegated to the background, becoming lonely, irrespective of having a wife who was ordnancely married.

In such narrative, it is evidently clear that, the motive behind the woman getting married from the onset was myopic. It was individualistic in plain language. You end up owing a ring without taking control of the man’s heart.

Procreation is divine, but carelessly throwing away companionship which allows couple to unite in spirit, share thoughts in words and deeds, and being vulnerable (to be opened in all things) to each other being deliberately ignored, the presence of the man, physically as a husband is a spouse in disguise.

He might be physically present with you but psychologically, his heart is being caressed in the bosom of a concubine or mistress.

The Almighty God who sees our heart and thoughts, most often denies some aspects of our prayer requests that fell in tandem with such preconceived chronology (Prov 20:27).

It is adversely so because, the fundamental preposition for marrying was to….

1) Own biological kids of same fatherhood, without necessarily exhibiting the close companionship as expected.

2) Shaming critics for escaping the grieve of loneliness and unpleasurable life.

3) A signet ring to prove I am also married.

4) Marrying him for his estates.

As a result, close companionship which is the first Godly priority and purpose for marriage is  erroneously relegated to the background.

Don’t successfully and craftily cage a man with a ring on him, but end up losing his heart to a mistress you are running away from.

Sammy Ladzekpo (Uncle Sam)

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