1. Make your first date as interesting as possible.
A first date should be something you look forward to and one that puts you out of your comfort zone in an exciting and stimulating way. It can be anything from a new restaurant to the new exhibit at the museum you’re dying to see.
You want to be engaged in an activity, doing something new, and the conversations that you have will be about the present moment, the activity you are engaged in. You will be surprised by the type of information you will glean from those experiences. You will find out things about your date that you would have never discovered doing the ‘cup of coffee’ date, drinks at a noisy bar, and sitting quietly in a movie
2. Don’t shy away from intense conversations.
Dating slow means not only getting to know someone as your partner, but as a human. And to do that, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open. I urge singles to have meaningful discussions, even if it feels a little uncomfortable.
Having initial conversations which are about substantive topics such as likes and dislikes, interests, family, career, values, and more can help you identify if this prospective match and you have enough in common to make it worthwhile to meet. Use these talks to help more efficiently assess how compatible someone might be with you.
3. Don’t be afraid to have group dates.
Since you’re hoping for a relationship that goes the distance, you’ll want your friends to be part of your life. That’s why I recommend introducing those you love to your could-be partner early on. Bring your date into your world and see how they interact with unknown, new, different people, the people who matter to you…. your friends.
What kinds of questions do they ask?
How do they engage with others?
How do they handle conversations? What ways do they contribute?
What kind of ideas do they have?
How do they handle different opinions?
What do they share about themselves?
This will give you a sense into how they will be in the long-term, allowing you to know if they are truly a match for you. Since slow dating is about being committed to one person, and one person only, it’s better to decrease the time you spend on apps, since they’ll only serve as a distraction.
Not only can this be very time-consuming, but it can be very difficult to get to know anyone very well or be able to distinguish any of the matches of interest from each other.
Pick the one that you are liking the best to meet for a date so that you can focus on giving both that person and you a chance to further get to know each other and not be side-tracked by other potential matches.
By Emmanuel Osei Akoto
